


How to hold stars

by VertigoReader101



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: KeithIsQuestioningLove, Langst, M/M, characterstudy, homesick!Lance, notalotthough, practicing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VertigoReader101/pseuds/VertigoReader101
Summary: Keith is questioning what love is and what it's like to be under the influence of a feeling that is so unfamiliar to him.





	How to hold stars

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this quickly to get the use to this website. Sorry if it's all over the place.

Keith has forgotten what love was. He wasn’t even sure if he ever felt it at all. It is something that is so universal and common, yet Keith was doubting that love was even real.

Love was like a star to him. Something so extravagant and has a great immense, but is light years away. He can gaze from afar where it is the least brightest and only wonder what it would be like if he could case it in a jar.

If he by some chance is able to get close enough to feel the heat of the scorching flames, he would never be able to touch it. He won’t be able to feel the warmth and the satisfaction of holding the star in his hands and close to his heart.

Stars are too bright and they’ll burn him if he gets too close. The ball of intoxicating gas will lure him to it with it’s comforting warmth and hurt him once again.

One day, when Keith was back on Earth in his lonesome house, he was a tired mess who hadn’t slept in days since Shiro’s disappearance. His eyes were red and his mind was a blur of incoherent thoughts.

For some reason, he decided he was going to take a break in his search and read a book. Why it was so weird was that he grabbed a dictionary instead of the intended novel.

He found himself searching for something, a certain word that was stuck on his mind for longer than he’d like to admit.

Love.

What was Love? What was the compelling nature of the feeling which people are addicted to? A feeling that makes people scavenge for their lives desperately, like it was the only thing that could keep them alive? A feeling that could build trust and commitment and compassion, but can also tear down castles and hope and every bit of a person's well being? Yet people still claw for it like it’s the flame to their candle. It amazed him that people could be so desperate.

“An intense feeling of deep affection.”

That’s was the dictionary told him anyway. It just didn’t feel like it was enough to explain what it was to truly love. What is “deep affection”? How do you know that you have it? What is the feeling of fonding over someone or multiple people?

Are the romance novels that sat on his shelves telling the truth of the butterflies in the character’s stomachs? Are they lying when they say that the whole world suddenly fades away when you look at the so called “Love of their life.”? How does he know that these authors truly have experienced real love? The authors might be all following the same clichés and stereotypes to fabricate the ideal sense of “Falling in love”.

Has he felt this sense of security, but haven’t realized it was happening? He always thought that he might love Shiro, the one person who never gave up on him, even in Keith’s lowest moments. He felt happy when he felt the sturdiness of Shiro’s palm on his shoulder as the man smiled proudly for Keith’s accomplishments.

And still then, when he was in a castle in space, laying down on his bed, staring at the endless black void that is his ceiling. He should be sleeping, getting rest for a new day, but his thoughts has running toward him, the silent question on his mind was now coming in full force with a pained rush. 

He looks up to Shiro as a leader and a brotherly figure. Keith saw him on a towering pedestal, high and mighty, a force that could not be broken down. It that love? Admiring someone so much that you sometimes forget your own feelings and opinions?

Keith could feel a headache already enduring is cluttered brain. Did he not love Shiro? But of course he did. Then why is he not feeling the same clichés that are in his romance novels? 

Are there different amounts of love that someone could feel towards different people? Like your love for your second cousin who you see three times a year, but enjoys every moment together. Compared to your neighbour who is an old woman who bakes you cookies and lets you talk about your feelings.

Is there the love that you just assumed is there, differentiating the love when you can pour yourself onto without feeling judged?

Everyone in team Voltron have families, but him. In his head, families were almost  just as confusing as love. What Keith had always thought family was a different perspective of Allura’s. 

Not long ago, him and Allura somehow got on the discussion of families, a topic which both are very hesitant on. Allura had explained that family weren’t just blood related. Family is the sense of familiarity where you can be yourself and share each other’s love.

There was that word again: love. How could Keith have understood Allura’s meaning of family if he hadn’t figured out what Love was yet? 

He let out a frustrated groan, and sat up reluctantly. Combing a hand through his messy hair, he let out a yawn. He should really be sleeping right now. Unfortunately, the happening of sleep for him was immensely slim, so he stood on tired legs and walked out of his room. 

Keith had decided to not go to the training room where he’d normally go to during his time of need, but he was honestly too tired and lazy for that. Thus, he headed towards his second option; the observation deck.

The door opened with a hiss and Keith staggered when he saw a familiar figure sitting on the ground.  Keith wondered if he could turn back now and Lance might not notice, but the thought was immediately crushed when the former blue paladin turned his head. 

“What are you doing here?” Lance said harshly.

Keith flinched at his tone, he had to stop himself from hissing back. He was too tired for a fight. So instead, he began to walk towards Lance’s hunched figure.

“I live here.” Keith stated bluntly, sitting down next to Lance.

Lance huffed, staring through the long glass window intently. 

“Whatever.” The boy said, clearly not welcoming Keith’s company.

Keith turned his gaze from the view of space to take in the boy next to him. Lance’s shoulders were hunched and his arms were wrapped around his legs which were hugged against his chest. 

His breaths were even and he seemed to look normal in the dark room, only if you don’t notice his red nose and puffy eyes.

Keith suddenly felt panic. He wasn't used to comforting people, that was mostly Shiro’s job. But he couldn’t just pretend he hadn’t notice, and clearly Lance is trying to hide from Keith’s gaze by shoving his face between his knees. No way was he going to let that idiot hide from him.

“What’s wrong?” He felt his whole body wince from how harsh the question had sound. Maybe he should get some pointers from Shiro on how to be nice.

Lance didn’t seem affected though as he seemed to not scream at Keith for his stupidity. 

“Nothing.” Lance practically whispered.

“Bull.” Keith stated without hesitation.

Lance let out a choked laugh. “Wow, Keith. Such a charmer.”

“Oh shut up.” Keith grumbled, but found himself letting a small grin slip through.

There was another moment of silence. What does he say now. He already confronted Lance, but how does one proceed with feelings? 

“I miss them, you know?” Lance whispered with time. His voice made Keith flinch and turning his attention to the other boy, staying quiet for Lance to continue. “This happens a lot, where I have these sudden waves of homesickness.”

 

Ah. Right. That makes sense. It is known to team Voltron, and possibly Zarkon himself, that Lance is indeed very homesick. It’s just common knowledge.

Keith hummed. “I’m sure you’ll see them again soon.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me.” Lance said. “Each time someone does, the more I think it’s not true.”

Keith could relate to that. When he was still at the Garrison, the Officers kept telling him that Shiro and his crew had died, no matter how many times Keith pushed, they didn’t let him gain any other information. Everyday he’d confront them, and everyday they’d repeat that Shiro was dead. And everyday he believed them less.

“That’s fair.” Keith said, voice hushed. “I’d be frustrated too if people keep saying the same thing over again.”

Lance huffed out a laugh. “I won’t be surprised if you stab someone if they do that.”

“No. I just set explosives and kidnapped their guinea pig.”

Lance snorted, finally turning to face Keith. “Did you just call Shiro a guinea pig?” He sounded almost astonished by the thought.

Keith smirked. “He did seem to eat too much lettuce to be normal.”

Lance threw his head back from laughter and Keith couldn’t seem to stop himself from drinking in the delightful sound. Lance’s eyes were squinting from how big his smile was. His blue orbs glinted from the small artificial light radiating from the room. Keith couldn’t help how adorable Lance’s dimples were, even though it was harder to see them in the dark. 

Keith felt a pull in his chest, yearning for Lance and it made Keith scared. What was he feeling? It wasn’t like he hadn’t felt this way before towards Lance, but why only Lance?

Lance had calmed down a while ago, and he seemed to notice Keith staring because he waved a hand in front of his face.

Keith flinched and felt his face flush from embarrassment. He was just caught gawking at Lance like a fool and the thought made Keith want to run.

Lance smirked. “Like what you see?”

Keith was then burning as he stuttered for an explanation as to why Keith was looking at him like Lance was a god. His sputtering made Lance laugh and Keith could swear to Alfor that his stomach had just fluttered.

“I hate you.” Keith grumbled.

“No you don’t. Anyway, I think the Blade have made you soft, Keith.” He then sat back on his hands, finally feeling comfortable and open again. Thank quiznack.

“That makes no sense.” Keith deadpanned. “Why would the Blade make me soft? There are soldiers-“

“Yeah yeah,” He said as he waved Keith off like an annoying fly. “Details don’t matter.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Keith stated.

“I know.” Lance retaliated.

Keith felt warmer now since when he first arrived. They both had become closer over the few years they’ve been in the war, fighting alongside each other without a problem. They still have their troubling moments, but Keith had learned how to become fond for Lance’s quirks. 

They had opened up to each other about their insecurities and pasts. It was nice to talk to each other. Sure, they weren’t best friends, but they understood the other and would goof off once in a while.

Keith had found a place in Lance’s life beside the rivalry and Lance found a place in Keith’s life as well. Keith grew to show affection with him, which is difficult.

And at the moment, as they drank in the vastness of space, hands an inch apart, Keith figured out what he was searching for.

That he was holding a star without realizing it.

**Author's Note:**

> Fall (verb)  
> "Move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control."


End file.
